Good day everybody! as you all know, Tradiproc-C is about African culture and traditions. One of the practices we find almost everywhere in Africa is polygamy. For some men, it is the solution against cheating (really???); as for some others it is totally unacceptable. Women, in another hand, are almost all claiming the abuse in this practice.
Now, what is my opinion regarding the matter? where do I stand? Here is my point. I am totally FOR polygamy!!! Yes, I said it!!! FOR and not against... Now, here are my reasons, which you don't necessarily have to agree with:
- A man will ALWAYS cheat! So, instead of having him sleeping around, i know who he is doing it with. Therefore, there is no lie between the spouses.
- Black African families are not nuclear families, having many "houses" build this feeling of togetherness for the children.
- In case of infertility of the first wife, it is important for a man to have a second wife in order to have children.
- A second wife is like a complement. Perfection is not from this world; therefore the first wife might not fully satisfy the husband. He will then have unsatisfied needs which could be compensated by another woman. It's way better than divorcing a woman you still love, but who couldn't fully satisfy you.
- It brings competition in the relationship. The spouses will always want to look their best and behave their best not to be the "less loved". The spouses will then take more care of themselves (and not just sit there and think: "I already have him, so what???")which could lead to have a better health and stay young longer...
- The husband has no reason not to give the spouses their allocated time. He knows they both need him, and they always look forward to the time they are given.
These reasons are just some of the goods reasons to choose polygamy over monogamy.
BUT
These are not good reasons if:
- Both wives are not supportive of each other. Children need harmony to grow up in a safe environment. The spouses must considerate all children as their own and always think of their well being first. This also implicates:
* never argue in their presence,
* never call their mother names to hurt them or say things like "go to your own mum",
* always respect each other. The first wife is the elder regardless of her age,
* sit together often.
- The husband does not distribute the allocated time as discussed by them three.
- The trio does not sit and discuss constantly about the issues encountered.
- The husband is not fair in the decision taken for the wives or the founds allocation.
If all these points are respected, a polygamist family can work perfectly.
HOWEVER
It is important to put things in their context. having many wives and many children nowadays is almost like committing suicide by strangulation(lol!!!). Money is a big issue and providing for one wife and two children is already a day-to-day fight.
Also, women are more possessive and relate more to romantic movies, which makes it more complicated to tell them to "share" what they consider theirs. the first wife will then never accept to have a co-spouse and the second wife will only come on board because she thinks of taking the first position. No respect for the first one, no consideration of the other's children, and so on...
SO YES I AM FOR POLYGAMY IN A PERFECT WORLD!!! BUT THE WORLD IS EVERYTHING BUT PERFECT, ISN'T IT???
Totally agree with this great woman. I'm against the ethnocentric point of view which want to condemn this practice ! A woman is a woman, but an African woman stay an AFRICAN Woman !
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to the author of this contribution ! Thanks
Agree with this and you should put in on you wall too True story... your talk about your life ?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous: I do have it on my wall! If we are friends on fbk, i'm sure u've seen it. U can also share it by clicking on the application u wud like to share it. But what is YOUR opinion? Thx for you support and keep checking the blog.
ReplyDeleteA really balanced post, not sure that i agree, but will think on it.
ReplyDeleteThanx Marian! It means a lot to me... :-)
ReplyDeleteAgree with this miss Carmy
ReplyDelete(heu moi je le fais en français sorry) bon argument et je respecte ce point de vue mais tu as également donné les arguments de l opinion contraire , adieu monde parfait où cela était possible , et de nos jous avec l'évolution des mentalités la femme africaine ne pense plus à une cohabitation respectueuse avec une soit disant co-épouse.
ReplyDeleteautre chose m interpelle es tu certaine que par le passé ce procédé etait parfaitement accepté ou simplement toléré parce qu'aucune autre solution n était possible avec la manière de penser de l'époque?
mais sinon très bon blog et bon débat, bonne continuation!
signée Queeny
it says it all .....you are FOR polygamy only in Perfect world and u know that the world is everything except perfect......
ReplyDeleteAll women, when u tell them u have a woman already and she will be the second, they always say they will copy with it , but after we all know that 99% of them always try to over-take the number 1 position. SO IT"S A LIE
No first woman will allow u to go and get another woman, even if she cannot give birth....so u must do it against her will and she will never welcome the second woman....so no harmony or peace in the house....
This is still only possible in villages , where poverty is the kind and only men can work ....
We all know that a man is not made for only 1 woman , and men will still have one official and 10 outside.....TODAY , women are doing the same, for revange.
Good day
That's my point too... That's why I said ''men always cheat'', so thx for backing me up on this one.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is true that i'm only for it in a perfect world, but u must also know that some women are still thinking that it is normal to have a co-spouse because of the educatiin they received... But nowadays, the most popular scene is the ''free-couple'' which means, the lovers can cheat... But this is another debate by itself... Lol
I sure cannot agree with polygamy; it's a sure way of saying God is a liar. The word of God says one man one woman. It is no longer the ancient times, therefore, abuse comes in many forms. Polygamy is certainly one of them. Everybody wants to be attended to so does the children.
ReplyDeleteIn monogamy, it's hard to handle one wife and one child. There's always issues to resolve, emotions and tantrums flying about. How much more for 3 adults and however many kids running around seeking one persons attention and if they do not get it they find other ways to get it. By then all hell breaks loose. People are educated, they are possesive, demanding and pressure is always upon the one who's going to be the provider.
If it was easy on this earth. Don't you think God will be around us to solve our problems; listen to us when we whine; cry; in pain and have our short falls; seeking our spiritual guidance and making our mistakes and hating everything about ourselves??? Polygamy is like putting your life on someone elses shoulder to control. It is wrong.
U have a point, anonymous... But i'm sure u talking about the same God who gave Salomon 1000 wives and so did he for many other prophets... God Himself knows there are 3times more women than men, which means if we have to give each woman a man, 2/3 will not have a husband... What about them???
ReplyDeleteWell, Solomon was the chosen one and he was given the wisdom & a righteous. So, who are to compare ourselves with what the Lord gave to Solomon or anyone else in the bible.
ReplyDeleteAll I'm saying is that, marriage is suppose to be a holy matrimony.
Todays, time are worse that there's disease; deception with men and women alike. So, who are we to say who cheats the most. Polygamy certainly won't solve that problem. We have animal instincts therefore, we find that men & women cheat.
Down with Polygamy!
Wow, woman!!! U defend yourself quite well!!! Like I said, I'm for polygamy IN A PERFECT WORLD, BUT WE ALL KNOW THE WORLD IS NOT... Nevertheless, some polygamist families are doing very well... I spend 3 years in one and i realised it isn't possible, but i also surrounded some others that happened to be a total failure. BUT it's the same for monogamist couples, ryt???
ReplyDeleteBy the way, u never answered the question abt the other 2/3 women...
ReplyDeleteWell, well, well; the other 2/3 of women is either lesbians; bisexual or exploring with their sexuality, by the way, usually other women are too scorned to get their groove on after a certain/bad experience in their lives, therefore, which goes to show that all people are catered for. It's not quite dog eats dog.
ReplyDeleteI hope all is clear, now that polygamy isn't the answer because at the end of the da
y we all alike (men & women) we like to be attended too.
Hope in your perfect world, you don't get married to a polygamist or settle for second best.
By the way; you mentioned that you lived in a polygamy homestead for 3 years. What's with that??? Does that mean you were married to. A polygamist or you are a product of polygamy??? What's up with that???
Well, Miss Carmy,hope you are not hitched because I would marry you myself though not a billionaire but could certainly show you a healthy relationship needs be conducted and spread all around for you to forget this absurd thoughts of polygamy. Yeah, as for the other polygamist family that you say they are doing well, tell me are they. Compromising to get along or is it truly genuinethat they are one family? Or the hubby and the wifey's are satisfied to an extent they do not see beyond what they get???